Worth it
by simply-a-freak
Summary: Mello changes after getting his scar, he starts to think that he is worthless, that no one could ever want him, need him, love him.What happened when he meets a certain redhead? will he rethink all of that?
1. I'm an ugly creature

I'm as ugly as fuck, every time I look at the mirror I hate myself even more, yeah, I hate myself, I should hate the person that made me like this, blew half my face off and left me to suffer , looking at this monster every fucking day! And I do, because I did this to myself, and that makes me hate myself even more, it was I who did it , it was no accident like most people like to think. I just wanted to see how much I could take, I planted explosives all around an abandoned house I discovered, not far from town, I considered the consequences, two only came up in my mind, one , being that I live through this and get out of it safe and sound, the other being , dying and turning to ashes , disappearing for eternity, if you have a brain in that head of yours, you would have already figured that none of the two happened, I ended up with the left side of my face melted.. do I regret it ? no , I regret not planting more explosives in that damned house .

And so my life changed since that bloody day, I didn't go out as much , and even when I did , I only did it during the night, since the last time I went out during the day, to buy my supply of chocolate a little girl started crying for her 'mummy' ..it was a huge change for me, since I was the popular one, with all the friends, and people wanting to be with me, I was dependent on my looks, people even considered me as a body rather than a person, no, I'm not even that anymore..I started clubbing for about three months ago, letting every stranger that I meet in any club, have his way with me, since , there was no fucking way someone in real life would even consider me, I just became a toy, every night with a different person, I was never on top, they just needed somewhere to empty their balls in, and I happened to be looking for someone, anyone..

So here I am exiting my shit hole of an apartment, I walked over to the club , I stopped taking the car not because I shouldn't be driving high and/or drunk but also because it became a burden since I usually rode off with the person who was going to fuck me. I arrive at the club I recently made my favorite, I walk toward the door and suddenly a red car almost runs me over ,passes by, and clumsily parks in an empty spot in the parking lot .

I stop to stare at the car, the window was opened, it revealed a redhead ,he was pushing something off of his lap, my curiosity got the best of me , as it never fails to, and I walked a little closer ,-I was now able to identify it as a Camero- and stood on the tip of my shoes trying to take a look at the object of the redhead's discomfort , but before I had the chance to see, the guy got out of the car, turning to look inside screaming "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT MISA ? I TOLD YOU DON'T FUCKING TRY ANYTHING !"

The girl obviously confused, balanced herself on her elbows ,on the driver's seat " Misa-Misa was just trying to help"

The redhead opened his mouth to say something, but he was stopped by a loud sound of a car horn, I looked at the source of the annoying sound, it was a black car, that parked in the empty spot next to the Camero . As soon as the engine died a black-haired man with panda eyes and baggy clothes came out accompanied by a brunette and a young man with dark hair with an extremely happy expression, there was also a kid in pajama's getting out the front passenger's seat twirling his hair between his middle and index finger while shutting the door. I glanced at the redhead, he was looking at me now, the blond woman clinging to his arm while all too obviously looking at the brunette right behind her; that's when I realized I have been standing there watching these strangers ,I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I headed toward the door of the club, I was about to get in, but a hand grabbed my wrist, I turned around , it was the redhead, I was able to have a better look at him now, he had bloody red hair, he was wearing tight red and black striped shirt with skinny black jeans and combat boots, I looked up at his face again, oh- I had missed the ..wait are those goggles around his neck ? the dude has a weird clothing style, not that it didn't suit him..I looked at him in the eyes ,I was faced by rare shades of blue and a breath taking smile "I'm sorry about almost running you over, I wasn't paying attention, I was..distracted.." oh..I almost forgot about that..now that I remember .. I would have answered him with my colorful language and a demonstration of my fighting skills, but I was just so fucking desperate to get in and get drunk, So I just nodded ,heading to the door.

The lights were flashing , who knows how many colors, people dancing, all over each other grinding I could barely tell them apart , I hurried sitting on a bar stool .The redhead soon entered with his friends and sat at an empty table in the corner ,even though the music was blasting , I could hear what they were saying because I was sat at the very last bar stool on the edge, and , well, the stupid guy was screaming at the top of his lunges throwing an arm over the redhead's shoulder "So what does the birthday boy think?" I stared at the guy , I never liked the hyper active kind, they just piss me off! I looked at the 'birthday boy' , our eyes locked and it was fucking impossible for me to tear my eyes away from his, he smiled at me, that breathtaking smile reappearing, and I almost walked over there and dragged him to the bathroom, but who am I kidding, it's probably pity that got him doing that, that's why I get aggressive with people, they see someone with a scarred face, an ugly monster and they dare smile and pity me!

I notice the geek's friends looking at me as well so I turn again to the bartender ordering another shot. As soon as I slammed the glass on the counter, the dark haired man that was yelling stupidly was sitting on the stool beside me "hi I'm Mastsuda "he said with an overjoyed voice, I ignored him nodding to the bartender to pour me another shot "So ,you see, it's Matt's birthday, you know, the guy with the red hair, I noticed he was looking at you, so I was thinking…how about two hundred for the night?" I almost chocked on air as he said that.. what the fuck ? what am I, a prostitute? I glared at him hoping he'd get the message and go away before I give him the beating of a lifetime, but he is obviously too damn stupid because he continued " I mean he's been looking at you since we came here, so whadaya say?" he grins at me and pulls out his wallet, it takes all my self control not to pull a gun and kill him right there and then, so I just settle for punching him in the jaw several times and throwing his wallet in his face after he dropped it on the counter, "fuck off" I tell him taking another shot that the bartender somehow volunteered to give. Mastuda or whatever the fuck he said his name was, stood there as if nothing happened, he waited for a minute then went back to join his friends .I glanced at the dance floor, I was so tempted to join those people, who were dancing to the beat of the music, grinding, hot and sweaty, I stood up ready to dance, but a hand tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around and there was the redhead, I think the stupid guy called him Matt..I glare at him expecting him to step aside but he doesn't, I'm surprised he can walk, I mean I've been looking at him since we came here and he hadn't stopped drinking.

"sorry about Matsuda, he's a bit of a .." he trails off

"Mentally retarded? Unbelievably stupid, blockheaded, boneheaded, , fatheaded, loggerheaded, thickheaded, thick-skulled, wooden-headed? Take your pick" I respond and made a move to walk past him, he stops me grabbing my arm .

"I'm sorry about what he said, he told us and he still doesn't understand why you hit him" he chuckled at that releasing his grip on my arm" he's drunk and yeah, all the things you said I guess.."

"yeah yeah , just let me go dance _'birthday boy'_ " I said descending the two steps leading to the dance floor, I force myself not to glance at him again, as I make my way through the crowd. I move my hips to the music and lift my arms up, closing my eyes, somehow I can feel a bit free like this, I can't see people's stares, can't hear their whispers, I can almost forget how ugly I look, but I don't, how can I ? It doesn't take long before I feel hands on my hips, another body pressing against mine, I don't turn to look at the person dancing with me, I don't even open my eyes, I just go with the flow, hopping whatever is gonna happen tonight doesn't hurt as much as the previous nights, suddenly the man I'm dancing with turns me around , my eyes snap open as his lips descend to my neck biting roughly, with one look at the hair and I indentified the man as Jim, the son of the owner of the club, a sadistic bastard, I heard about his victims, raped and abused, he should be rotting in jail, but his father has connections with the police, sometimes he even pays off the victims, or simply erases them from this world. I pulled away ready to run for my life, but he grabbed my hand roughly and pulled me against his chest " where do you think you're going Melsy ? the fun had just began" he whispered groping my rear. And before I could understand what the hell was happening, Jim was on the floor holding his jaw, while I was being dragged out of the place .

To be continued , please just fucking review =) I appreciate the add to the favorites or alerts and all, but a review gives me inspiration or whatever it is the hell I have, so please..review ..oh- and this was written in English class, two hours XD


	2. I want chocolate and you're a geek

By the time we were out of the club, Jim's five bodyguards were on our tail, who are 'we' might you ask? we are a fucked up blond with every meaning of the word, and the redhead that without warning dove in, and grabbed my hand pulling me out of the club, trying to save the day, and by no means did he do that, he just made it worse, at least if he left me there I would have been raped, beaten then I would be set free, but now, I will be tracked, raped, beaten, tortured and killed just like it will happen to him.

I was pushed to a wall, in a nearby alley , one I recognized as the one I was first fucked in since the damned scar, it was a narrow alley about one and a half meters wide, the redhead's body pressing on mine, no space between us, his both hands pinning me by the arms, almost impossible to see us because we were in the shadow, hidden from the light poll placed in the corner. He was looking at the end of the alley obviously worried about the men following us. I see their shadows walking past the alley talking with each other.

"let's go grab the cars, in the back" one of them says, and I hear footsteps disappearing, going toward the other direction. The geek peeks to see if they're gone, then he turns to me and whispers "we can go to my car before they catch us" he then takes my hand in his and we make our way carefully to his car, instead of leaving after we got in the car, he asks me to duck, so we both did, for about five minutes until the two black cars that belong to the bodyguards reached the end of the street, that's when he said it was safe to go.

He took off in the opposite direction of Jim's men and none of us said a word, I kept my eyes on him while he drove, he was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel nervously , glancing at me from time to time, I opened my mouth to ask where we were going several times, but I hesitated and kept quiet. Why the hell did he punch Jim? Why the hell did he pull me out of there? Why the hell would someone I barely know do that? Why is he not running away on his own? Did he have something against Jim? Is that why he did it? Or did he really try to save me? But why would he do that? The dude even left his friends behind in the club and was now driving to who knows where, he sighed then stopped the car and asked "where do you live?"

I was about to answer him but then I realized, Jim already knows where I live, I encountered him enough times that he decided I was his next prey, he attacked me once before, threatened me, and followed me to my house, but he didn't go further than that. But that's the thing "he knows where I live.." I say more like to myself than to him, I expected him to throw me out not drive me home! I don't know where-

"do you have any place to go?"

I stop to think, not about his question, because I have _no one_, absolutely no one at all, but to think if I should really tell him that, it'll make him pity me even more, but if I go back now, I'm sure Jim will be there waiting for me. I sigh answering him "no.."

"it's settled then you're com-" his phone rang cutting him off, I heard screaming from the other side as he picked up "MATT WHERE ARE YOU ? WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO? THE BIG DUDE IS PISSED OFF! HE'S LOOKING FOR YOU AND BLONDIE !"

"yeah well we're going to my place, you guys can keep having your fun"

"BUT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY MATTYYYYY"

"yeah well..and stop screaming jeez ! oh-and Matsuda, if those guys ask you about us, don't tell them where we are okay?" I almost burst laughing at that, but remembered who he was talking to, and I started hoping the guy turns out to have a brain and listens to what the geek said.

What the geek said..shit! going back to his place, fuck I didn't think about that! What if he's someone like Jim? What if he 'saved' me just to do what the other wanted to do to me? What if-

"hey, I'm going to grab a pack of cigarettes, do you want anything?"

"chocolate" I answered before realizing it

" 'kay" he smiled at me, damn that smile! Is this how it's gonna work? Pity the ugly guy, rape and torture him then throw him out like he was nothing, well, I'm more than nothing, I'm a waste a space, of body, of everything, I wasn't always this way though, I had a life once, I was loved once, even though it wasn't the kind of love I wanted, it was love nonetheless, love for my body, the very body that is now used, torn, shattered, and broken, I can't even pick up the pieces anymore, I hate this pain, this ache in my heart, this question in my mind _why me? _Yes, why me? Why does every bad thing have to happen to _me_? People die every day, why didn't that happen to me after the explosion? Third degree burns, the left side of my face and neck, my left shoulder as well as my hip, for someone with so many god damned fans and friends, I kept telling myself to be strong because yes, I had people counting on me, I had to be strong for them, that's why I kept going, three fucking weeks, twenty one days, five hundred and four hours, thirty thousand and two hundred and forty fucking minutes, would you like me to tell you how many fucking seconds that makes? Because I counted those too, laying in a fucking hospital bed, a prison for a person like me, after the fucking shock of looking at my reflection in the mirror, looking at that image straight in the eyes, but not quite believing that it's true, thinking maybe I have died and gone to hell. Having to hear the nurses' whispers, their disgust, I almost don't blame them, because I happen to have the same thought as they do, we have a monster laying on the bed, yes, a monster, I was proven wrong, unfortunately I was still alive, three fucking weeks I tell myself to hold it together, just to crash down and break, how? The people I wanted to be strong for, the person, my so called best friend, three fucking weeks only one visit, a visit that sent a bullet to my heart, saying I should have died, rather than lived to be this abomination, the very best friend that said he couldn't even look at my face as I was just too much of an eyesore, yes, the same friend that spread the word about 'Mello going hideous and insane' how lovely..

I hadn't noticed the redhead come out of the store, he opened the car door, handing me a plastic bag, and taking his seat, taking off toward _his _home. That's how it always is with me, fucking self pity mode twenty four seven, I watched as the building flashed by, the light of the street almost overtaking the darkness of the night, I don't know what time is it, though I couldn't care less, I probably won't be sleeping tonight, whether this guy turns out to be a pervert or not.

We stopped at an apartment complex, be parked in an empty spot, got out and smiled at me encouraging me to get out, I did, not forgetting the bag he had given me. He locked the car then walked toward the building, we took the elevator and he pressed the fourth floor, the door soon opened and we got out, him taking the lead, he fumbled with the keys before inserting the correct one in the lock, opening the door, I walked in, and he shut the door and locked it behind us. He took the bag from me handing me six chocolate bars.

"I didn't know what flavor you prefer.."

"thanks" I give him a slight smile before unwrapping one of them and taking a bite of the addictive sweet.

"so um.. I'm Matt" he says

"I know"

"um..do you have a name?"

"of course I do" I answer taking another bite from the brown bar.

"um..will you tell me your name?"

"sure thing" I answer, keeping myself from moaning at the familiar taste of chocolate, he sighs and sits on a brown couch situated in front a large TV, I sit down next to him not really paying attention to anything other than the task at hand.

"What's your name?" he asks taking a controller from the ground and turning on the TV and Xbox.

"Mihael" I answer honestly "but don't call me that, I go by Mello" I tear my eyes from the heavenly bar in my hand to look at him, sending him a smile, he glances at me then turns back to his game grinning. "Nice to meet you Mello"

"you too..Matt" I answer taking the last piece of chocolate in my mouth, and holding the wrapper in my hand looking for a trash to throw it in. "that was fast" Matt says still playing "just throw it anywhere, the place is already messy" I look at the ground where there were two empty noodle cartoons, I throw it in one of them and fall back on the couch relaxing on the soft cushions, a yawn escaped my lips. "It's late" Matt says pausing the game."I don't have a guest room or whatever-" he starts but I cut him off "the floor is just fine, I just need a blanket and a pillow"

"I have those but you're not sleeping on the floor, and the couch is-"

"the couch is fine then" I once again cut him off.

"no, believe me, I tried sleeping on it, it's not comfortable for that at all" he continues, standing up.

"where then?" I ask curious.

"you can take my room, I don't think I'm gonna sleep tonight, and if I do it'll be later.." he trails off giving me his hand, I take it standing up and following him to the bedroom, my hand still in his.

"You can change in these" he says motioning for dark blue pajamas placed on the bed, he then removes his hand from mine, opening a drawer in the night stand and taking out a tooth brush still in its new plastic cover "you can have these too, oh-and the bathroom is right there" he takes a few steps toward a second door, opposite to the one leading to the living room "if you need anything I'll be outside in the living room, he smiles at me, then walks heading out "thanks" I tell him, and he turns grinning at me "no problem" he says stepping out and about to close the door, "happy birthday" I tell him, and he reopens the door just a crack for his head to peek inside, he flashs me a toothy grin "why thank you Mello..goodnight" he says closing it the door behind him.

Somehow I know no matter how much time I will get to spend with the redhead, it sure will be interesting.

**Long and boring author note:**

OKAY..CHAPTER TWO DOWN,WHO KNOWS HOW MANY ARE LEFT..so thanks everyone for the add to favorites and alerts, I mean that was fast XD and this one is written because I had nothing else to do, ( of course there's homework but who does that anymore? =p ) anyway review and tell me what you think =)

Ohh and here's a question for you: in an MxM fic who would be uke? Mello or Matt? (what do you like more? This is irrelevant to the story, just an argument I had with somebody and I wanna settle it =D )


	3. I don't want your pity

**Chapter 3 : **

I opened my eyes, the room was dark except for the red numbers on the night stand, I looked over to the alarm clock, It was almost 4 AM, I had fallen asleep.. I stood up intrigued since I haven't heard the sound of buttons clicking or the TV. I walked over to the living room, the only thing helping me find my way was the light of a street light poll, I looked over to the couch thinking maybe he had decided to sleep there but he wasn't, he was sprawled on the floor, his shirt was pulled up, a little over his stomach, he was snoring lightly. I thought about going back to the room and sleep but decided against it, it was_ his_ room, and he gave it up to sleep on the freaking floor. I don't know if I can lift him up and carry him over to the bed, besides, who's to say he even wants to be carried..

Fuck that! I shake his shoulders a bit but he doesn't wake up, he just mumbles something about 'princess peach are those moustaches ?' or whatever the hell he was saying, I shake him with more force, he whines and turns around to his side, man what a heavy sleeper! "Matt..Matt wake up.." I whisper but all I get in response is a snore. That does it! "MATT WAKE UP!" I scream in his ear, the guy jumps a mile in the air his eyes going wide as he takes a karate position, he turns his head fast scanning the room, he soon sees me and sighs in relief, relaxing a bit, continues looking around the room then he turns back to me.

"why'd you wake me?"

"well you were snoring heavily and disturbing my sleep" I lied

"oh-sorry I didn't-"

"why are you sleeping on the floor?" I cut him off.

"I felt sleepy" he answers yawning. I sigh taking his hand and pulling him toward the bedroom, he follows, half asleep almost hitting his head on the doorframe as we enter the room. I drop on the bed, sighing as I put my head on the pillow, I look up and he was still standing there." What are you waiting for?" I ask, and I'm just so fucking terrified that his answer would be,' I don't wanna share my bed with someone like you' but he just stands there for a moment before walking to the other side of the bed and sliding under the covers. I wait to hear his breath even, before I turn around to face him. I don't get to ever do this, I never really get to just lie down and sleep with someone, I've tried once after the guy was finished with me but all I got in response was " what are you doing ugly bitch, get the fuck out of my house" and that was after three fucking rounds of him slapping me, pulling my hair and fucking my ass. Matt was different, for some reason he just was, I feel okay when I'm with him, a few hours ago I wouldn't even think about doing this, but a few hours ago, I didn't have a beautiful redhead sleeping next to me not even realizing what kind of person he's sharing his bed with. I wrap my arms around his waist and push myself closer to him, I burry my face in his chest and inhale the refreshing smell of.. Matt..I close my eyes and drift into sleep, I hope he doesn't throw me out in the morning, something inside of me tells me he's not that kind of person, but that something inside of me, have been wrong too many times for me to count..

I woke up I don't know how many hours later, I was able to see the sunlight coming from the window, but I didn't care, I felt a warm body next to me and I scooted closer to it, that's when I remembered who this person is, Matt, memories of last night returned to me, how he helped me, I felt two arms on my waist pulling me closer as he shifted so that his head was on top of mine, naturally I buried my face in his chest, feeling safe for probably the first time in my life.

For some reason, which I'm fully aware of, I don't want to go back to my apartment, even though I haven't known Matt for even a whole day, I want to stay with him, stop fucking around with strangers that are just using me, I just want to feel accepted, not because I'm letting someone fuck me but for.. me .That hadn't happened to me in a long time.. actually that never happened to me..

I look up at Matt to discover blue eyes gazing down at me, I blush but don't move away from him, he takes some time to actually realize the position we're in, and he retreats his arms from around my waist, we both sit up, he grimaces and holds his head in his hands, and I know he's having a major headache like me..hangover shit and all..

"'morning" he mumbles rubbing his eyes

"Good morning" I reply smiling at him.

He stands from the bed having a tough time balancing himself on his feet, and heads toward the bathroom, he stops when he reaches the door and looks at me over his shoulder "I'll take a shower, I won't take long, you can go next, then I'll go get us some breakfast, the only thing I have here are noodles and bags of chips..oh- and I'll have to get some aspirin..or whatever cause it feels like my brain has exploded"

"okay" I reply simply, not bothering to ask if he actually knows what a brain explosion feels like, or how he could still function in that condition, he closes the door and I hear the water running in the shower, not even fifteen minutes later he gets out of the bathroom, a towel hanging loosely around his waist, his red hair wet, dripping on his naked chest, I follow a single drop that lands on his right shoulder and runs down his chest, I lifted my hand to my mouth, just to check if I was drooling, my eyes now looking at his face, he blushes a light shade of pink, and looks back at me.

"You can shower now, clean towels are in the closet In the..you know what? Never mind, just wait I'll get them for you "he turns and walks out the bedroom door, I head toward the bathroom eager to have a hot shower without actually having to, it's weird, I think as I pull the pajama top over my head, I haven't woken up without a throbbing ass in so long, it's kind of.. not agonizing to walk.. my chest doesn't hurt because it usually does since I know what I'm doing is wrong, I take off my pants and boxers and pull the curtains of the shower so I can step in, but I don't close them, instead I stare back at the blurry creature in the mirror, I lift my right hand to the scarred side of my face, I should have gotten used to this, it's been months since I got this scar-I trail my hand over it, until I reach its end, on my left hip- but it's never been the same since then, every time I look in a mirror, I fail to recognize myself, all my attention automatically lands on the left side, if I can't get over the hideous creature I had become…how can others? –I hear a gasp and turn to look at the doorway, there, stood Matt, a dark blue towel in his hand, he was still wrapped in one himself, his eyes wide with surprise.

No one would believe me if I told them this, but I'm saying it anyway, this is actually the first time someone, _anyone,_ sees me completely naked, even the strangers that fuck me every night didn't do that, they were too caught up in their lust to see the rest of me, some have just pulled my pants down and pushed me to a wall, some bent me with my hands on the toilet in the public bathroom, some didn't even bother taking off my pants, they just rip them off, or slid them down just enough to get their dicks up my ass, before the scar I never had the chance to do that, the girls were so needy that they wanted my hands all over them and my dick inside..

So this is different, he saw my scar, now he knows not only am I flawed in my face but also in other places..

"I-I ..I'm s-sorry" he stutters shutting his eyes tightly and opening his arms in front of him blindly looking for a place to put the towel.. I shake my head at him, he's _hopeless_, I think as I step out, not completely wet, I stand in front of him, his eyes still shut and arms in place with the towel in his left hand, I take a few steps forward and the index finger of his right hand lands just bellow my left shoulder, it stays put for a second before tracing down the scar, a feather touch, softer than any I received, I didn't pull away, just looking at him as he opens his eyes looking at me surprised, he trails the scar with his eyes before he looks back at me, his face almost redder than his hair. He hands me the towel, fighting not to look below my waist, but failing as I caught him doing so.

"I'll get dressed and gone, I won't take long", he says after closing the door and walking in the bedroom.

I enter the shower once more, twenty minutes later I was in Matt's bedroom looking for my clothes, I found them right where I left them, on a chair in the corner of the room, I run my fingers on the leather material, I liked that, liked the fact that it was so tight, so close to my skin, that it was a second layer of flesh, another skin, one that covers the scars, it almost makes me forget about those, almost being the key word, cause no matter what, I don't seem to find, something,_ anything_ that does that, not that I didn't wear leather before the incident, but now I feel exposed without it, it's not something to look sexy or badass in anymore..

I get dressed and dry my hair with the towel as much as I can, I find Matt already back, he was sitting on a chair in the kitchen sipping his morning coffee.

"hey" he says as I sit across the table from him

"Hi" I reply, not really sure what to say..

"I made coffee" he stands up walking to the kitchen counter and purring me some of the black liquid in a mug "I didn't find anything to buy, so I brought cupcakes..oh- and I got more chocolate" he grins at me handing me a cupcake as well.

"thanks" I say as I take them from him sending him a smile of appreciation..

We sit there, the only sounds are of us sipping coffee, there has been a lot of firsts for me since I met this guy, and this is a first too, the first time I have breakfast since I got the scar, the first time I have it with someone, I don't know what's wrong with me thinking like that, but there's so much I want to know about this man, I hope today won't be the last I see of him..

"so how old are you now?" I ask breaking the silence

"oh- I just turned twenty one !" he says excitedly grinning a cheeky grin "how old are you?"

"twenty one, but my birthday is on the thirteenth of December"

"you must've had a lot of fun, being legal and all" that reminded me of how I ruined his special night, just yesterday, but no, I did not have_ fun _on my birthday, that used to be the case before the scar, my birthday, was a rare occasion that I didn't go home with, or get fucked by anyone in the club, on my way back at the hellhole of an apartment I live in, two guys pushed me in an alley, both armed, they ripped my pants, and took turns on me, I guess you can call that rape, but that's what most of my nights were like..

I don't answer him, but I think he gets the idea, that it's not a good memory ,so he asks " what are you going to do about that dude?"

"his name is Jim, he's a-"

" I know who he is, I just never caught his name, I know the shit that he did, that's why I didn't let you with him, you know he could have done something.." he trails off, probably not finding the words.._why the fuck does he even care?_

"yeah" I simply answer "thanks" he doesn't reply but asks after a moment" so what are gonna do? I mean you said he knows where you live.."

"you know, you made it even worse by punching him, last night could have been just fucking around on the dance floor, or just fucking me somewhere, and then he probably would let me go, and forget completely that I exist, but now he's gonna be looking for_ us" _

"maybe, but he doesn't exactly know me.. and as for you, just don't go back to your place"

"what do you suggest I do? I don't have anywhere to go to, and all my things and my money are back in the apartment" I sigh " never mind, I'm not dragging you into this shit" I stand up "let me get my jacket then I'm out of here" I say heading toward his bedroom, I don't know how the fuck he did that, but he jumped off his seat and stood in my way.

"what the fuck? No, it's true, I punched the guy and put us into this, so I have the right to help, you can just stay with me, as for the money, I have enough for the both of us, you can just buy new stuff"

"what if he finds out where you live?" I ask

"he won't.. and just in case he does, we can move if you want, I can move out by the end of the day."

"why…why are you doing this ? you don't even_ know_ me !"I scream at him "what am I? your charity work? I can take care of myself! Don't you dare pity me! You've done enough,!" I push him out of my way but he grabs my arm.

"I don't_ pity_ you ! is it so fucking wrong that I want to hel-"

"I don't need your help! I'm fi-"

"no you're not !" he cuts me off, screaming as well, "don't give me that bullshit! Is it so fucking hard to believe that I'm just trying to help? If you go back to your place we both know you're doomed, if you don't, you'll be on the streets, with no money and nothing at all, he probably knows all the places you go to, he tracks his victims, he won't let you go, do you understand? This is not a game, I'm just being nice here, I promise I won't ask you to do or give me anything so just…just stay with me..I'll keep you safe" his voice is calm now, almost a whisper "I see you going with a random guy every night, they just use you, hurt you, yet you come back, you always do, why can't you see what I see? They don't deserve you, no one does, so why are you doing this to yourself? Stay..please.."

I stare at him, wide eyed, he already knows me? But I haven't seen him before, he'll keep me safe? No one ever promised me that.. "why bother? Why do you care? You're willing to move, and go off track just because someone you barely know needs your help?"

"you're not just someone, Mello, you're…you..what have you got to lose? I'll keep you company, I can start packing now, and we'll be on our way in no time, we can just, go. wherever, ..I c-care about you.."

I wasn't listening anymore, it's true, I have no one, that much is true, but here he is, telling me that he cared, a person, that only just yesterday, I never knew existed, what could he possibly gain by doing this? If he wants to fuck me he could've done that last night—I have to stop thinking like this, Matt has an bright happy aura around him, he seems, fragile, innocent, and I'll trust him, I'll trust him with my life, the first person who actually gives a shit about me, cares for me, who am I to push them away? A familiar voice in my head, one I've been listening to for months says to me _are you even worth it?_ And the answer in my mind is simply : maybe not, but I'll be here as long as he wants me to be..

**Disappointed are you? Yeah well.. I tried. **


	4. You're warm and this is my new home

Matt wasn't kidding, by the end of the day, he managed to pack all his stuff, minus the furniture, and somehow found and rented a house in a town far enough from here. I discovered a room in his apartment while he was packing, it was full of computers, screens, and technology shit. He said he was a hacker, that's how he got all the money, I didn't question him, just nodded and waited for him to finish, he had piles of video games and things of that sort..

Later that day, as the sun began to set, I found myself in the front passenger seat of his red Camero, once again, while he drove us to the new house, it was taking quite some time to get there. I figured our new residence is somewhat isolated from town. We had a few almost accidents because he refused to leave his games, gaming systems and TV screens, along with the computers and some other electric devices, I won't even bother searching for their names. He fit them all in the trunk and the back seat, surprisingly not forgetting to pack a suitcase of his clothes.

With all that shit in the backseat he couldn't see anything using the review mirror which presented a bit of a problem along the way, especially with stupid people driving their cars like drunkards. The drive wasn't really boring, at one point Matt started humming a song, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, occasionally mouthing the words and slightly bobbing his head at the beat, which I found quite entertaining as I ate my chocolate, secretly-or so I hoped- watching his little show. Our eyes locked once or twice during the ride, he flashed me a breathtaking smile each time and all I did was look away and bite into my chocolate, hoping my heart would slow its beating or else I just might have a heart attack.

My mind keeps going back to what he said last night, I was surprised to say the least, but I was happy, I admit it. I caught myself thinking about how safe I felt when I was with him, he protected me, he is still protecting me from..well, myself. I did this to myself didn't I? I was the one who kept going back to the clubs, practically begging to be abused and raped.  
Matt's presence did wonders to my self-confidence, it gave a it new definition, new level if you might. It wasn't that high, nose-up-at-space kind of confidence, the one I felt before the scar.  
It wasn't that self destructive confidence in myself that was so low, it lead me to hurt myself more. That was still present, can't tell ya I don't hate myself, oh I do. I did nothing to deserve this, deserve him. But any other time I wouldn't take it, I'd just leave.

But he's holding me back isn't he? With that beautiful smile, that pure heart of his. That innocence that makes his eyes sparkle under the goggles. That ...that love that radiates from every cell of his body. I feel it, I don't know the last time I did.. But it offers and promises a lot, it offers trust and safety. A nice boost to my self-confidence, enough to let me stay by him, go to this new house he chose. Stay with him for who knows how long..

"Hey Mells.." I blinked and looked at him again, he glanced at me from the corner of his eyes then back at the road. "Erm..can I call you Mells?" He flashed me a toothy grin, one of his hands was on the steering wheel, while his other arm rested on the window by his side, his other hand at the back of his neck, rubbing it, he must be tired of driving for so long.

"No." I answered looking away, eating the last piece of my chocolate and balling the foil wrapper in my hand.

He glanced at me again, the grin ever so present. "Yeah, well, Imma call you Mells either way. " I frowned feigning annoyance, just to hide the smile of amusement that curled my lips upwards. "So I was saying… I got everything online, the house is furnitured, there's no way to know more than what I found on the Internet about it, however, I thought it was pretty cool. There's a little library with it, the books come with it, hope you'll enjoy them., I'm not much of a book person myself" He explained and I nodded.

"Concerning that Jim person.. " He started to say, a bit unsure. "We're moving to another city, and you're not exactly leaving any trace of yourself so I think we're safe at the time being. " He nodded to himself, then pulled his goggles up, still driving, it was already dark by now and the highway was empty except for us and a car following not far behind. I sighed in relief as he said that and rested back against the car seat, looking at the moon outside the window.

I didn't realize that I fell asleep until a soft voice called my name, followed by strong hands shaking my shoulders lightly. " Wake up Mells, we're here. " I heard Matt's voice say and I opened my eyes, he smiled at me and straightened his back, spreading his arm toward what I guessed was the new house. "Welcome home. " He grinned and stepped back then away toward the trunk, opening it and starting to take his things out.

I watched him for a few more seconds then stepped out of the still open door, that Matt left open. I looked at the house and I found myself speechless.  
I had expected the redhead to buy a shitty house, I didn't even know he could afford something like _this._  
It was obviously newly painted, I could see it perfectly under the light of the full moon, the windows were all closed, there was a "Welcome" carpet in front of the house, we'd have to get rid of that later, or change it to a "Go away" one. I grinned, turning to look at Matt, I found him just about ready to fall on his ass as he struggled with the TV screen in his hands. I chuckled and went to help him. We decided to get everything inside that night even though we were both tired.

Finally we were done, all Matt's geeky stuff were placed in a room, unorganized, he'll fix that tomorrow. I flopped on a couch that was in the living room, and watched him as he threw his suitcase into his room then walked towards me, collapsing next to me on the couch.  
His feet dangled on the side of the couch, the back of his knees resting on its arm. He had his head close to my lap and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath . "I'm tired. " He mumbled yawning. I nodded even though he couldn't see me and I reached a hand forward, running it through his messy red hair. "me too. " I answered continuing to stoke his hair. He opened his eyes slightly, a satisfied smile finding its way to his face. " Let's go to bed" He said sitting up and walking to his room, without saying more.

I looked at the door of the room that was next to his, then back at the room he walked into right now.  
Without thinking more about it, I walked to his room, found him already on his bed under the covers, his clothes scattered around the room. Yeah, it was probably not good to sleep in Jeans, or leather in my case.  
I unzipped my vest, took my shoes off. I let my vest slide off my arms and I slipped out of my leather pants. I walked over to his suitcase and pulled out a pair of pajama pants. I threw them on then crawled under the covers next to him.  
"Mello? " He mumbled sleepily, blindly searching for me with his hands.  
I was suddenly afraid that he'd tell me to go to my own room, I had no reason to sleep in with him now. But he didn't do any of that, his hand dropped lazily on my bare chest and he mumbled a "G'night " before falling asleep. I curled up to his side, relishing the warmth his body offered and I drifted off to sleep. I could really get used to this..

This warmth.

This safety.

This…new home.

**LONG ASS AUTHOR NOTE :  
**There, chapter four :D  
Mello may seem different here, bu~t there's a reason for it.  
I just realized how many awful mistakes I made while writing the other chapters, why didn't anyone tell me? ;-;  
I'll fix them when I can. Erm.. I'm gonna update more from now on.  
There's a story called "Angel" written by me, that can be found on my profile here on this site , I need someone to do Mello's POV, I already know the main idea, just need someone to write it with me. e_e  
Review, it makes me update faster. –nodnod-  
And check out my other recent stories? I need to know what people think about my writings. –sigh-  
See ya and thanks for reading!


	5. You want to shop and they're staring

**What kind of person doesn't update their stories for months and when they do it's so fucking crappy and lame?  
Me.  
I've written this chapter months ago and didn't post it, my writing style may appear different in my next update. See ya, hopefully soon.  
Review if you wish. c:  
**

* * *

The next morning I woke up to find myself alone in Matt's bed. First thing that came to my mind was, he was probably disgusted, I mean it's understandable, he was pretty tired last night, he didn't have enough energy to tell me to fuck off. It would be safe to assume that he is now in the bathroom scrubbing his skin for dear life. I was startled when he walked into the room, a towel around his waist and another on his head, using it to dry his hair.

Like the pathetic creature I am, all my thoughts went crashing into a wall as I eyed the redhead up and down, I could blame it on the fact that I just woke up, and I barely had the mind or power to stop staring or just go ahead and admit that he's absolutely beautiful, reminds me of what I was like before..  
I looked up at his face again and I didn't see a scowl of disgust as I would have expected, there was a deep blush on his cheeks and he was looking around avoiding my eyes.  
" 'morning." Was mumbled by him as he walked to his suitcase—that was still on the floor—and couched down, then he pulled out a pair of boxers, jeans, and a striped red and black shirt.  
I rubbed my eyes, and climbed out of bed, walking to the bathroom to wash my face. He needed privacy to change and I wasn't about to take that away from him. I found that he already put the toiletries there, so I took the tooth brush that he gave me and brushed my teeth. Once I was done, I was about to walk out of the bathroom but the redhead appeared before me, dressed now, with black towels in his hand. He blushed again as I looked back at him, probably remembering the last time we've been in this sort of situation. "I'm gonna get us some breakfast, the fridge is empty, so we'll have to go shopping for everything once I'm back." He smiled, handing me the towels. "In the meantime you can take a shower, I'll be back in a bit." He informed me before walking away without waiting for me to say anything.  
I sighed and closed the door again, a hot shower could do me some good.

I stripped out of the pyjama pants I was in, I was still shirtless, and I took my boxers off, stepping into the shower after hanging the towels close by.  
I turned the water on, and faced the tiled wall, I sighed happily as the hot water came in contact with my skin, making me relax under it, closing my eyes, I moved my head under the water more, and ran a hand through my wet hair. I opened my eyes again remembering Matt's words. "_We'll have to go shopping" _He said we, I'm gonna have to go out. During the day.  
Fuck.

It didn't take me long to finish my shower and get dressed back into my leather, fuck I'm gonna have to buy new clothes for me, but without my own money, and no work. .  
I grinned as I remembered I had taken a credit card with me that night, I hoped that it was still in my pocket. I quickly slipped my hand inside my pants pocket hoping for it to be there. I sighed in relief and looked at it, finding just what I was hoping for. A credit card registered in a fake name, I've never used it before, which is just perfect.

I walked downstairs and just as I reached the bottom of the stairs, Matt walked through the front door. He held two cups of coffee in one hand and a paper bag in the other. We walked to the kitchen together and sat down at the table, looking at each other silently. "Here's yours" He handed me a cup of coffee and opened the bag. "Donuts?" I asked an amused smile curling up my lips. He shrugged returning the smile. "There are chocolate ones too" he grinned, pulling his goggles down to rest around his neck before he spoke again. "Knew there was a police station close by."

We finished having breakfast, and Matt suggested that we look around the place, I agreed, since the chances that there was someone around were pretty low. I walked out the front door with the redhead behind me grinning, he was excited, I could see that much. We didn't even have to go that far to find a swing right behind the house, the cords that were holding it up were a bit torn but we could replace them. We kept looking around and found that there was actually a lake nearby, right behind some bushes. Matt was jumping up and down out of excitement by then, already making plans for us to go swimming the next day. To be honest I wasn't looking forward to doing that, true, I'm more comfortable around Matt, but..that scar is different, I'm not gonna go swimming around him shirtless, I can just imagine how disgusted he'd feel, that's just unacceptable. A voice, almost a whisper keeps telling me that Matt won't even notice or care about the scar, but I won't take my chances.

I looked at him and had a feeling that he said something because he was walking away already. I followed him and he stepped into his car, waiting for me to do the same. I did just that and he turned on the radio and grinned at me before driving off.

* * *

People, people, people.

Everywhere.

They'restaring at me, the fuckers can't control themselves can they?  
I bow my head down, my fists clenching, I want to fucking kill them all, just grab a gun and shoot, shoot, shoot, they're dead, I'm happy, the world would be a better place without them.  
I was startled out of my thoughts with a hand on my arm, Matt coming into view as he stood before me, looking concerned.  
"You okay Mells?" he asked, his hand on my arm tightening a little as if to prevent me from spacing out again. The word 'nothing' almost leaves my lips, automatically before clench I my jaw, saying quietly. "They're staring.." He hummed, not even bothering to look around and see it for himself.  
"It's not everyday they see an extremly attractive man in leather, I'll wager" he reponded as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, the words making me look up, surprise written all over my face. He wasn't standing very far, barely a foot away, and it was now that I actually realized it. He dropped his hand from my arm, grinning that goofy grin of his. "Let's get inside, can't stand it the parking lot the whole day."

* * *

"I don't see any leather stores here." He mumbled, spinning around himself in circles as if that's going to help him locate the shops we were looking for, better.

"We still haven't looked in the other side of the building." I said, pointing at the seemingly endless shops on the other side. He pulled out a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it before slinging an arm over my shoulders, blowing smoke from his nostrils and mouth to the side before speaking. "Here's the deal, you go buy your leather and I.." he pointed at a video games store—Didn't know they had those in a mall—"Am gonna buy some new games for me, then some jeans before goin'." He smiled at me, pressing his wallet to my chest and a surprising kiss to my scarred cheek before walking off, not leaving me the time to protest. I growled silently, glaring at his back before stomping away toward the stairs.


	6. You're being nice and I'm selfish

**Worth it  
Chapter 5: You're being nice and I'm selfish.  
**

I always imagined heaven to be less crowded, with a beautiful angel to guide me inside and show me the wonders the world I could only dream of when I was alive.  
Instead, there was a fat guy, with a positively nauseating smell, trying to fit himself through the narrow door, and, as I looked through the glass shop window, I certainly have not imagined heaven to be full of annoying children dragging their mothers along, insisting they'd buy them leather pants that were horrifyingly similar to Jim Morrison's.  
I glance at the door again and let out a relieved sigh when I see no signs of the fat guy still stuck in the doorway. I make my way inside, fighting a grin off my face. Kinda hard to keep my joy inside when I can clearly see leather all over this shop. My second skin, displayed out there for me to choose whatever suits me best.  
"Can I help you?" A soft voice asked from beside me and I turned to find a raven haired female, she looked pretty young, and was looking at me curiously. I nodded, pointing at three pairs of leather pants, one after the other. I noticed her staring at my scar and cleared my throat to get her attention. "I'd like to try them out." I tell her, then give her my size, turning away and pretending to look around again so that she'd leave.

I look at the full length mirror and smirk a little, trailing my hands down my leather clad thighs, then turning around to inspect how my rear looks in it. I step out of the changing room, satisfied with the leather pants I've tried on, and now looking around for a leather top. It takes me a few minutes to find two that I simply can't fight the urge to get. I put one on, still wearing one of the new leather pants, and somehow I just instantly start feeling better. I walk out of the changing room again, now looking at the prices for all the stuff I was going to buy, and I nearly choked on thin air as I saw how expensive the things were. Yes, I could afford them, but still, it would surely empty my account. "Looks nice." A voice spoke behind me and I turned around to find Matt there, looking me up and down, then nodding with appreciation. "Got everything you wanted?" He asked and I nodded, not even asking how he found this shop, it was probably the only one that sells leather around. "Alright, let's pay then go look for some shirts and Jeans." He grinned at me, walking toward the counter to pay, but I could feel him glance at me again, though I said nothing about it. I pulled out my credit card and handed Matt his wallet, smiling slightly. "I found this in my pants this morning, you don't have to pay for my shit any longer." I made a move to give the card to the shop keeper so that I'd pay, but it was unceremoniously snatched out of my hand and replaced by the wallet. "Not safe." He told me, and I wanted to argue against it, tell him that it wasn't registered with my name, but the look he gave me said he already trusted me not to mindlessly lead the bad guys to us, but he wanted to make sure nonetheless. "It's okay then, we don't have to buy this." I whispered by his ear, feeling the young girl's eyes on us, waiting to get paid.  
"I've enough money to cover it." He whispered back, his breath tickling my neck. Before I had time to answer, he'd already taken his wallet back, then looked at the screen before him to see how much it was going to cost him.  
If he was shocked, or annoyed that he had to pay, he didn't show it, he paid cash, smiling at the shop keeper's surprised expression. He took the bags once everything was packed in them, and looked at me. "Coming?"

We'd kept shopping all day, Matt got some delicious tight jeans for himself, as well as new shirts that were quite similar to the ones he had, striped black and red, white and red, black and white, and even blue and black, they all looked a bit big on him, but he refused to have one his exact size, he insisted in taking those one size bigger. He had also showed me to a shoes shop where I got a new pair of shoes and Matt got black Converse. By now we were exiting the mall, both of us with shopping bags in both hands, and Matt was talking endlessly about how game-deprived he was feeling and how much he couldn't wait to get home. We reached the car in the parking lot, and Matt unlocked it, hurriedly placing all the new stuff in the trunk.  
"Can we go somewhere for dinner?" I asked, we'd skipped lunch in favour of spending the time shopping, I'm sure we'd both be happy if we didn't shop for the next century.  
"I.. sorta had something else planned out." He told me as he locked the trunk and walked over to me. He'd already spent shit loads of money on me today, as well as wasted his time shopping with me. Can I be more fucking selfish?  
"Ah, sorry." I told him, offering him a smile, which actually resembled a grimace, I looked down, I was feeling fucking guilty.  
He was silent for a minute and I looked up to tell him we could go now but he was staring at me in such a way that.. I couldn't get the words to form on my lips. His gaze was soft as he continued to look at me for a few more minutes before stepping even closer to me, almost touching. My brows furrowed in confusion but I kept my eyes locked with his, now very aware of how close his face was to mine.

Suddenly the serious, tender expression was gone, and all too quickly, his goofy grin appeared, he nudged his nose against mine before pulling back, his eyes twinkling in what I thought was amusement. "I like to think the food I intend to make would be better." He said as he walked around me to the driver's side of the car and opened the door. I followed him, quickly slipping into my seat, shoving aside the questions about why my heart was beating so fast, my breathing was uneven and my cheeks felt like they were burning.

"Wait- You're gonna actually make dinner?" I asked finally realising what he had said.

The car's engine roared to life, and the redhead beside me flashed me a wide grin before answering. "You got that right."

_I will put up another chapter tomorrow.  
Matt making dinner for Mello, let's see how this goes.  
Review?_


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